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I am stuck in the leg-hairverse. I am calling out to anyone who will help me. Help me, I yell, please help a little horse all alone and lost in the leg-hairverse. Won't anyone answer me! I heard a call in the distance and made my way through the long, bristly leg hair. It was thick and slow going and my way was often blocked. Finally I came across Pickle Horse-man. "Oh thank goodness," I said, "imagine finding you here, in this universe of leg hair." Pickle Horse-man stood up and shoved aside a thicket of leg hair, "Listen pal, you're lost here. I'm here for a dang reason!" "And what reason would you have to be in the leg-hairverse?" I asked him. He snorted, "I'm on a quest!" "A quest? What sort of quest?" "A quest for the dang giblets of the freak whose leg hair we're stuck in!" he said, a bit overzealous. "I've been traveling far and wide, looking for it." "Well, what are you going to do when you find the giblets?" Pickle sighed, "I don't know. Look, as a Christian I need to know the gender of the larger forces of the universe. I can't just let them hang in some vague gender quantum superposition. So I'm going to find the sex-organs of the leg-hair-iverse, and then I'll decide from there what to do about the situation." "Hmm," I hmm'd. "Well, let's get on with it, then." And we set off together, through the endless forests of leg hair looking for the famed lost city of mons pubis. Many days we were separated by tangles of coarse leg hair, but always we found our way back to each other. Eventually, after many long years, we reached a great clearing, where before us lay the ruins of a once-grand city. "This must be it," Pickle whispered reverently. "The lost city of mons pubis. It's been destroyed, though. The giblets are nowhere to be found." As we wandered amongst the stubble, however, we noticed a faint light coming from between the cracks of a large thicket of leg hair. We pried it up, revealing a hidden chamber inside. There, a small figure huddled against the wall. It was a naked human, their body covered in leg hair. "Praise be to God!" Pickle exclaimed. "We have found him! Or rather, them." The human looked up at us, confused. "Who are you? How did you find me here?" Pickle stepped forward, his eyes gleaming with excitement. "Fear not, poor creature," he said, "I am here to confirm your gender." Pickle Horse-man reached for the hairy stranger and grabbed a handful. The hairy person shrieked and shook free, burrowing into the leg hair. "Oh no you don't!" Pickle Horse-man leapt after them, "I'm going to find out what gender you are whether you like it or not!" The hairy person squirmed away into a hole in the leg hair, and Pickle Horse-man squirmed in after them. I listened to their grunting and gasping grow fainter, until I was all alone. I walked around the clearing at the foot of the great Mons Pubis mountain and as the leg-hair set in the west and the leg-hair darkness settled over the leg-hair, it occurred to me that I was being watched from the stands of leg-hair at the edge of the clearing. Yes. Many gender-unidentified individuals sat watching and waiting in the tall leg-hair, and who knows how many more beyond. Feeling increasingly disquieted by the silent watchers, I began to hurry, but it wasn't long before I heard the patter of their feet over the stubble fields. I began running for my life into the far forest of leg hair, barely able to breathe I broke through the hair-line and the thick, bristly hairs clung and raked across my body. I could hear them gaining on me, calling out in high-pitched squeals of delight. Just as I thought I couldn't run any faster, the forest opened up onto a wide valley. In the distance, I saw an old wooden bridge spanning a chasm, leading to a glistening mound of bagina. My only hope was to reach it and cross to safety. With all my remaining strength, I raced towards the bridge, the throng of gender-unidentified people closing in fast behind me. The bridge creaked ominously beneath my hooves as I leapt across, the pursuers mere feet away. But just as they reached the bank, a mighty wind swept through the valley, unsteadying the bridge and flinging the ungendered down into the damp hair below, unharmed. I bolted across the finish line and leapt into the giant bagania-hole and wiggled myself in. There I collapsed in a heap of exhausted, bare horseflesh. Suddenly, the leg-hair torches flared to life, and a great voice boomed through the birthing canal, "I AM THE NON-GENDER-SPECIFIC RELIGIOUS LEADER OF THIS GIANT DANK PUSSY," it shouted, "WHY HAVE YOU TRESPASSED HERE, ON MY SACRED JUICY-GINA!???" I gathered myself up into an obsequious little prostration and timidly shouted back, "Please forgive me, I merely sought refuge from the ungendered denizens of the pubes. Please do not harm me, a little he/him/horse of no importance in this world." "SILENCE," the great voice ordered, "BOW BEFORE THE Non-Gender-Specific Religious Leader of Giant Dank Pussy AND BEG FOR FOREGIVENESS." I scurried forth and kissed their hairy shins. "BECAUSE YOU ARE GENDERED AND FULL OF GENDER-SIN, YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE EGG MINES." "Noooo!" I shouted, and the hairy gender-unspecific priests grabbed me and dragged me deep into the uterus and into the dark tunnels of the fallopian tubes. They cast me into the egg pit and there, suspended in the eggs, I was too afraid to move. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I saw the eggs all around, and inside were little squigglers, little horses trapped just like me. The horror. Worse, I heard a nasty gurgling, slurping sound. I surfaced and looked around, and a wake of eggs slurmed and slushed in a trail behind some submerged egg-dweller. It circled me, again and again, getting closer and closer, until it was directly ahead and shot forward toward me. I squealed as it grabbed me. "Bonky, thank God I found you!" It was Pickle Horse-man. "Oh, thank goodness," I said, "I thought you were an egg-freak. "Bonky, we have to get out of here." "You have some really nice act 3 stubble," I told him, "gives real leading man role energy." The guards patrolling the egg mines stopped and looked at us. His black eyes flickered in the dim sconce lighting. "I have some bad news," he said. "What?" I asked. He swim-swammy'd up to the surface and kicked up his legs revealing his crotch. "THEY UN-GENDERED ME," he said. I screamed! I silly scream'd! I tried to screamy-scram, but I kicked and flailed uselessly in the eggs, unable to escape my fear! The guards carried on with their patrol "Settle down!" Pickle Horse-null grabbed me and slapped me across the face. "I need you to be strong. I need you to be a manly man! An act THREE kind of man with a five o'clock shadow and a taste for vengeance!" He hissed.