>be me, bonky >i'm with my pal, pickle horse-man >we've created a special technology >and the best part of it >is that it's also a service >because selling a thing >is never as good as selling its use >over and over again >forever and ever >amen >the tech we created >part of it is a sort of high-tech sex toy >that you wear day and night >and it collects all your semen >and stores it >the next device though >is the breakthrough >because an individual male creates trillions of semen throughout his life >and we're going to store all of them >and preserve them >every sperm is sacred >every sperm is good >if a sperm is wasted >God gets quite irate >one of our earliest backers >who gave us a TON of dosh for the project >was of course Elon Musk >he loved the idea that every one of his sperm was special, sacred, and most importantly >SECURE >so he's been sending us his sperm >and we put it into the sorting machine >that sorts each individual sperm into holding cells >each sperm is assigned a name according to a naming convention specific to the customer >in Elon's case, they're all variable equations >he really liked that >but what Elon doesn't know... >is that for every chambered sperm >we've also constructed a little gun pointed at it >that's right >we have a gun pointed at the head of trillions of little elon spermatozoans >and now all the power of this dying earth is in our hands >he's helpless >all these little particles of his ego >they're ours now >they can squirm all they like >and so can elon >this is our world >and we're starting the buyback program >at FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS A SPERM >no refunds >and you might be asking yourself >do you have it in you, >bonky? >do you have it in you to shoot an innocent little spermatoid? >well >let's hope it doesn't come to that.